I'm not in this scene i think I'm falling asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you

These dreams don't know what they're missing out on ;) xo

The Ballad Of A Teenage Suicide Bomber

Trying to carry the weight of the world,
Is all too much for one little girl,
Sixteen such a tender age,
The words jumped to you straight off the page,
Landed deep within your heart,
Began to slowly tear you apart,
Private life became secluded,
No-one understood like you did,
Lies soon became the truth,
Believed it all with or without proof,
The world was full of oppressors and thiefs,
They could take it all but not your beliefs,
Self loathing at an all time low,
When your shadow tried to slit your throat,
But still you drag those weary bones,
And slump them in a place called home,
Slowly start to rot away,
Watch the death toll day by day,
Place yourself within the queue,
It was all too much all too soon,
No looking back no time for turning,
Only thoughts of London burning.

Beneath the Moonlight

Stars always seem to look nicer when emotions are low, theres something about them thats oh so reassuring. The thought that someone out there is exactly where you are now, in hiding from yourself. With me its almost a case of hubris overcome by nemesis as in the version of me I created seems to be taking over my real self. I can't tell the difference sometimes, that scares me. Where is the quiet me who dealt with it himself and pulled a cloak over every sign of emotion? Like a Victorian photographer hiding within his dark cloak, taking a picture of the outside world whilst keeping himself firmly within his own. I long to be back there, maybe if I look into the stars for long enough i'll discover myself all over again.

These Friends Are Golden

I'm forever caught up in how delicately the human mind works and how a tiny incident of total insignificance can have me obsessing for hours. Or how just five minutes with best friends can change the whole outlook of a day, mood-swings are reserved for periods but the mood roundabout is spun everytime i get to sit down with any of my favourite people. Usually it turns an otherwise dull and uneventful day into something i can smile about. I'd rather waste time with them than with anyone else. My mind being prone to finding new ways to pass time constantly overthinks things and can manipulate my brain/heart into all sorts of situations, rather than get out of this habit I tend to stick with it and see where the wind takes me so to speak. To free this mind is to allow myself the joys of imagination, I would sell my soul for a glimpse of everyone elses. What if the life you see in day-dreams is real and this is the make believe right now, what if this blog is just a dream in itself and what we are living is only real once we close our eyes. What I would give to live just one day in what I see at night. I miss not being able to predict what is going to happen, I miss feeling insecure and scared of what is going to happen. That might sound ridiculous or even self-obsessed but I wish only for that feeling that whats next is something better. What if this is as good as it gets?

So Make Like A Tree And Get Out Of Here...

The week so far has been one which I have thoroughly enjoyed, not to say the weekend hasn't been welcomed like rain in the desert! That's mainly due to the lack of sleep on weekdays and the ever present parties that friday and saturday bring. Friday/Saturday morning with the girl makes life evidently more pleasant and the smile hasn't left my face just yet. Currently enjoying the 80's whilst watching one of the greatest films of all time 'Back to the Future', wondering where I would go if I had to take a trip back in time. Probably something significant, I'd like to meet someone important, not change history just talk to them. I'd like to talk to Shakespeare possibly, or Hitchcock at his prime. But as it goes I can't time travel so I think I'll stick to the here and now. Life has a funny way of guiding us right where we belong

?

There is nothing more powerful than a question.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

First crush, kiss, touch, fuck. things i'll never get back. I guess thinking that i'll never have that excitement, the nervous rush, the first experience again means i'll spend my time looking for something that feels as good. Who knows what that will be? Once they are gone that heightened sense of anticipation goes with it, you know what it feels like, the overbearing feeling now is that everything else just loses its rush. Will my heart beat as fast as the first time? will my lip shake as I look at her face and begin to lean in? I'm longing to be refreshed and get those feelings back, because now they are gone I miss every moment I spent just wondering of how it would be. I suppose the feeling that replaces it now is loving someone, knowing that she can make me truly happy, the drunken nights, the lost arguments that time forgets and the overwhelming feeling that she could be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Which one I prefer I'm not sure, but I don't know how many 'first's' I have left and I intend to make everyone count so that when its all over, I know that every first I had the chance to do I did and regrets are made to remind us that we are human and without them good memories wouldn't be half as special. First crush,kiss,touch,fuck. They all have to come sometime but each day is different and life is a blank canvas so I'm painting my own picture I just need the paint.

So you can love me or leave me or tear me apart

These friends could last a lifetime. As the weather is finally picking up I'm feeling something new that I haven't felt before, I'm not sure whether it's excitement for whats to come or merely enjoyment at what is now. The sun is shining and the world is becoming my playground and I'm embracing both with high expectations of a great summer. Love is a fools game but this fool is wiser than he looks. I appreciate these blogs have no real narrative structure but they are merely thoughts and when have thoughts ever stuck to the rules of literature, mine certainly don't. What I have been thinking about most over the last few days is what talent really is? and whether talent is actually valuable in a modern society so obsessed with duplicated arts, easily read and providing nothing but an hour and a halfs pitifully repeated scenarios culminating in about as much influence on its audience as Britain has on space exploration. When we give into this then we abandon talent and leave the pioneers stranded with only their own genius as company. Please do not forget what talent means, broaden your horizons for knowledge is more powerful than you will ever know and curiosity is what seperates you from a number or a label, you're mind is the one thing that is really yours. Don't dismiss people for exploring theirs.

Today's Victim Lines Tomorrows Waste Paper Basket.

April is a funny time of year it's just coming up to my birthday(which this year happens to be my 18th) and I'm filled with a sense of excitement mixed with the complimentary expectations of how the day will go. Aside from this the days pass with the inevitable drag when coming up to a big event and I become a little more on edge. I don't know whether it's my coming of age but I feel a wealth of injustice and a new found awareness for the world around me. My ever-present thirst for knowledge drives me to look for more answers and open more questions and my role in this world looks even smaller, but I guess that's all in whos eyes you're looking through. Mis-understanding leads to ignorance and I understand you can't blame the world for missing the point but maybe if the world opened it's eyes for just ten seconds we could change something. I'll accept my own downfalls with open arms but if we put a mirror on the moon i think people might just be scared of what they see. xo

But its the wrongs that makes the words come to life

How is it that we live in a society where a country which happily and freely kills innnocent people on their own land are allowed to host one of the most important sporting events in the world? I mean is it just me or is it reminiscent of the Nazi Olympics that we are allowing a country which avoids morals as if they were the plague a chance to present itself as a place to be proud. Rarely does it happen that the people that can make a change actually stand up and be counted. Also when a young girl is kicked to death for how she looks by two youths who would struggle to spell nevermind understand the meaning of humanity and when watching her young son being tried for murder the proud mother laughs along with him, when society is crumbling may we hope the foundations remain because right now it looks unlikely we have much to build upon here. But I'm 17 I have no position of power, I have no real threat to anyone but I am not scared. Not scared of this society, not scared of the inevitable decay of this proud land, not scared of the future or of what looks ever so likely to come with the next race of thugs jostling to become leader of the disintegration, Because they can never take my mind and aslong as I have an independent opinion I know I'm not just part of the drone of people who will follow this path to the edge of destruction then cling to the very bitter remains they have trampled on and pray to god for salvation. Judgement day is now and if this is the track and society the train then pull the emergency stop cos I'm getting off. xo