a scar away from falling apart

I guess writing this blog has made me realise how fickle my emotions seem to be. Just when I'm feeling good, the ups and downs of life hit me like a sucker punch to the stomach and whilst I'm still trying to regain air my mind runs away on a path of its own again. I don't for one second think I'm the only person whose state of mind changes so quickly and on this rollercoaster I'm joined by the rest of the population, I just somehow don't think my seatbelt is connected properly. I walked in the middle of the road today and just for a few seconds wondered what it would be like if a car hit me, what it would feel like to die. I'm not suicidal or anything like this just fascinated by the thought of it. This scares me a little, as I get older my fascination becomes stronger and it quite often dominates my dreams, I just wonder how it would feel to not think anything, the last gasp of breath before your soul embarks, ultimate peace? flashbacks of memories? nothing at all? I'm feeling a bit odd today, I wonder if it shows? xo